I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
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