a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
