that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't deserve a penis
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
