My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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