I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
