I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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