Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
