it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
