i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
