took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Holy sore nipples Batman
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize