kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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