You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
