Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
