sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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