I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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