So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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