Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
