wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
did i just pee glitter
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
