I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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