does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
