I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
