I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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