Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
