And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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