She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
