WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
