She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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