oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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