I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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