I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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