If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
