We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
