ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Farmville is her only friend.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize