I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
