I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
