so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
