How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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