Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
