It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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