Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
