We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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