Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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