I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
last night I used snow as a chaser
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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