I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Verdict: uncircumcised.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize