i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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