WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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