the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
