Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
