how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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