My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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