I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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