i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
