my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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