Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
