how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Congratulations! We have a period
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
