I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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