so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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