is your mom at the bar?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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