Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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