She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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