Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
