i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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