a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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