get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
