WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
