Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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