I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize