I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
