Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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