Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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