remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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