Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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