Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
